The following are excerpts from real resumes. Under no circumstances use any of these samples (unless of course you don’t really want the job):
- “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
- “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
- “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
- “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
- “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
- “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
- “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
- “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
- “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
- “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
- “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
- “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.”
- “I am a rabid typist.”
- “Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”
- “References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
- “Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”
- “Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!”
- “Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.”