And Finally, Resume Duds,
Or What Not to Say

The following are excerpts from real resumes. Under no circumstances use any of these samples (unless of course you don’t really want the job):

  • “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
  • “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
  • “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
  • “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
  • “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
  • “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
  • “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
  • “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
  • “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
  • “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.”
  • “I am a rabid typist.”
  • “Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”
  • “References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
  • “Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”
  • “Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!”
  • “Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.”