Cover Letter Blunders

The following are excerpts from cover letters. Please don’t copy any of these examples:

• “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
• “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
• “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
• “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
• “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
• “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
• “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
• “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
• “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
• “I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
• “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
• “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
• “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
• “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
• “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
• “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
• “Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.”
• Cover letter: “Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you”